Don’t Try Wrapping A Bow Around Thoughtlessness
I believe in forgiving thoughtlessness in people; I don’t believe in wrapping a nice big bow around thoughtlessness. What am I talking about?
When I say I don’t believe in wrapping a bow around thoughtlessness, I’m saying I have found that it is not instructive to or helping the chronically thoughtless person by rewarding them in some way, being thoughtful of THEM, thinking it will send them the message NOT to be thoughtless. Perhaps your message of kindness will get through to them and if they are repeat offenders of being thoughtless in their relationship with you, the best method of helping them is not always continuing thoughtfulness toward the thoughtless. What is the best method of dealing with thoughtless people? I have found the best method of dealing with thoughtless people is Loving-detachment. What is Loving-detachment and why does it work?
Loving-detachment is keeping the person at arms length while not withdrawing your Love for them. You keep them at bay while maintaining a distance with Love inside yourself instead of resentment or frustration inside yourself. If, after many times of being thoughtless, after many times of you giving them chances and showing kindness, you keep a Loving distance and they ask you if everything’s OK, then it is the time to be honest with them and address their thoughtless behavior. I am not talking about abusive behavior that harms you in some way. That needs other interventions or the end of the relationship or a court order. I’m talking about someone you care for, who you are good friends with who treats you thoughtlessly by doing things like not giving you anything for your birthday after you have always bought them birthday gifts or they borrow money from you and don’t pay you back or keep taking things you offer them and never returning the favor or not considering your feelings at all. By giving and giving and giving, never getting anything back, there is no need to wrap a bow around this thoughtlessness. Put boundaries around it. Say enough is enough. They will get the message and you have remained in Loving-detachment…engaged from a distance that keeps you safe with no negative feelings within yourself.
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