What is remembering, really? Remembering is really re- membering, that is to recreate the member of a thing, it’s physicality.

Since my wife died suddenly, without warning on her birthday in 2012, I have been able to tithe and release many of her things but I have not been able to release her clothes in the master bedroom walk-in closet. From time to time, in addition to looking at her clothes, I actually hug them and become overwhelmed with emotion. I have asked myself why I do this and I realized that it’s my way of bringing her back physically. I am re-membering her. Why do humans do this re-membering?

I perceive, as humans, we cannot believe that someone dies. It makes no sense to our ego. We simply can’t wrap our head around it. So, we create actions like hugging the clothes of our deceased loved ones to keep a semblance of them around.

For me, this flies in the face of my awareness that she is still here. Our loved ones are still here, from my experience, simply vibrating at a higher frequency level so that we can’t see them. Surely, their physicality is gone but their true nature is still alive and they can be contacted.

Even though I am aware of her presence, I still feel the need to re-member her as a living human being no matter that she will never be the human woman I once knew. I allow myself this re-membering because I perceive that it comforts me and allows me to continue feeling the emotions that come up when I hug her clothes. I sometimes want to feel these emotions and I don’t see it as a bad thing. It’s as if I’m letting myself down gently, getting over her in my own time.

From this experience, I have learned to give others their due when they experience deep trauma. I no longer judge people for how they cope but I due caution against too much distraction through addiction.

I would rather occasionally hug some clothes rather than become an alcoholic or abuse or harm anything else due to wanting to drown or express my grief. If humans could find more healthy alternatives for handling trauma, our world would be a much safer place.


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