My soul gave me a lesson in vulnerability. I stood before a paying audience of 50 the other evening, telling a story about my life. Suddenly, my nerves got the best of me and stage fright took over. I was in brain fog, confused and could not put any sentences together. In that moment, I was completely naked in front of that crowd. The grip of fight or flight was too intense for me to continue so I fled the stage, begging the audiences’s forgiveness.
That moment of vulnerability was my soul’s way of reminding me that I do have the power to be vulnerable and always have. I must remember that the connection to others comes from connection to myself. Forgetting words and being nervous is a sign that I am trying too hard to remember words and not feelings. I wrote the words of my story and I became too concerned with staying on script rather than allowing the feelings to guide me. My soul stepped in and allowed my persona to have a powerful experience of vulnerability reminding me that I can be vulnerable and that it’s OK to be vulnerable as in, that’s the whole idea of why I was there in the first place. However, feeling vulnerable was too intense for me in that moment and I had to get out of there.
I got much support from the producers of the event and one of them said I was “beautifully vulnerable.”
My take away is that I can be vulnerable, that is, I have that ability, it’s OK but I must remember to contain myself and not let fear rule my experience to the degree that it stops it. For me, in the final analysis, I was not prepared to experience feeling THAT vulnerable.
OK. Need some practice. Lesson learned.