"If I want to be accepted as I am, then I need to be willing to accept others as they are. It is arrogant to set standards for others." Louise Hay
I have been witness, in my life, to people who could not or would not accept another as they were but wanted to be accepted exactly as they, themselves, were. To them, the other person they would not accept, was always doing something wrong but they themselves were above reproach. Instead of discussing perceived slights, this person would estrange the other he would not accept. I lived this and saw how this estrangement deeply hurt the other person. This other person was my wife and the person who would not accept her for who she was was her brother.
What I saw was my wife constantly showing love to her brother in one way or another but he was always dissing her right in front of me. He was stepping over dollars to pick up nickels, meaning, he overlooked the most important aspect of the relationship with his sister, the aspect of Love. He would rather concentrate on why she didn't invite him to a dinner instead. I found this very petty.
What he was not aware of was Louise Hay's wisdom, quoted above. I believe he wanted to be accepted for who he was without question but he would not accept his sister for who she was. With this approach of his, he was missing the single most important ingredient in being accepted by others: accepting others for who they are.
In my wife's relationship with her brother, she never questioned his lack of acceptance for her, she just accepted him the way he was. In dissing his sister, he was evincing the height of arrogance in setting unrealistic standards for his sister; standards she could never meet because it didn't matter what she did, he just wouldn't accept her as she was.
I could give you many examples of this but it would just be a list of tit for tat.
We all want to be accepted by others and the greatest secret to being accepted by others is accepting them and, oh, did I fail to mention accepting yourself for who you are?
My wife thought I didn't like her brother. I expressed to her that that wasn't true at all. What was true was that it was uncomfortable for me to be around that arrogance.