It was a revolutionary discovery I made that the best way to approach life is not to cry because something is over but to smile because it happened. I say revolutionary because I was of the mindset that goodbyes were sad, that endings are bad. It took my wife’s untimely death to turn my head 360 degrees around. What do I mean by this?
What I mean is that it was a complete change of mind from thinking of going to self-pity and dejection when things ended to realizing that I could smile because they happened. While I grieved my wife’s passing, the grief made me look at seeing it from another perspective, the perspective of joy of the beautiful, loving experience I had with her. My mind wanted to stay in depression, my soul wanted to exclaim it’s triumph. I listened to my soul and began to appreciate what I had in a grateful frame of mind rather than a bitter frame of mind. This took some doing. The dejection inherent in grief is very powerful and it took constant practice to switch myself out of the downtrodden mentality to the happy mentality.
What I came to see endings as are new beginnings, a renewal of life, new chapters in life and that which was gone was not gone. It was with me in my heart, a part of my DNA. I had lived the experiences with my wife. They were real. I am satisfied, complete and whole from them. This is what I concentrate on even though I still miss her.
It’s OK that I miss her but what I no longer do is live in the past. I live in the now where everything is and where everything is possible. It takes constant effort and I make the effort to smile because the love of my life really happened. I am also real with myself that I will always miss her and will always feel a sense of loss over endings. That’s OK.
The key is not to belabor the point. Grieve, yes but not at the cost of your future happiness. I’d rather smile than go to the place of pity.