My brother-in-law would invite me, my wife and our son to his home and then, put his sister, my wife, down, in front of me with no regard for me at all. To keep the peace, I never said anything. I felt that my wife could handle her arguments just fine without me interfering and that it was their fight and not mine. This was a mistake on my part as it went on for over 25 years.
While I have learned that above all, loving each other deeply is the key attribute to getting along because it covers over a multitude of sins, it is also important to show respect for your guests, family or not and offer your hospitality without grumbling. There were times when my brother-in-law would invite us for dinner at his home for Christmas and ask us to pay him for the privilege. Again, I found this odd since he was not poor and others in the family were not charged. We paid the money and shut our mouths.
I would always accompany my wife to her brother's home, never thinking negative thoughts and always going with a feeling that maybe things would be more loving and peaceful. There was always an underlying tension, an uncomfortable feeling coming from her brother and that feeling was always disturbing to me, so I would chit-chat with him for a while and then retreat to a den with a TV in it and stayed there until we left.
After my wife died, my brother-in-law asked me to borrow a large sum of money from my wife's life insurance policy. I initially said yes but in the insuring days, I felt an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. All I could think of was his years of yelling at my wife in front of me and my son. All I could feel was his lack of respect for me after I continued to show him respect by keeping my mouth shut and showing him equanimity throughout the years. Whenever he invited us to eat at his home, he grumbled.
This is a good example of not loving each other deeply as love holds no grievances. He also showed that he did not love himself enough to be compassionate to himself and others.
I changed my mind about lending him any of my wife's life insurance money and asked him why he had treated us the way he did all those years. His answer was silence and I have not seen him since her death.